you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
