I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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