I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
