Im at strip club and am horny
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
