My friends, they love my intelligence
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
