so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
