peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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