why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
