I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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