My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
