I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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