this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
