dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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