i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
