i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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