I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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