He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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