GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you made out with another girl for some wings
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
