he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
