I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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