Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
