Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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