dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
