We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
