i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
