Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
