Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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