U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
