Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
