At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
