these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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