Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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