Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
