and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
