The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
