So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
