you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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