I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
