Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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