I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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