I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
