I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
