I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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