You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
