We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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