Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
