3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
