We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
