What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
