im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
