He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
