Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
