1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
