All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
