life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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