my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize