I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
