So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
