That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
