You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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