I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
