I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize