he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
