marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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